So tomorrow night I am taking my lovely wife to a concert…we are going to see Barry Manilow. Now before you judge, let me say this: the man can write catchy songs and I’ve been told that he puts on an amazing show, so we are going to see his farewell tour. So I’m listening to a little Barry to get “prepared” for the show and I heard “Ships”. Now this is a pretty song, complete with all of the schmaltz we’ve come to love and expect from Barry, but it really occurred to me that it fits into a recovery lesson on denial.
How often do we tell ourselves that everything is ok even though the world is passing us by and we aren’t able to connect to the ones that we love? I have come to detest the phrase “It’s all good!” Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty big optimist, but it isn’t all good. If it was we’d call it heaven not earth! I need to make sure that I am taking a realistic look at the world around me and process it in the words of the serenity prayer “as it is, not as I would have it.”
By processing the pain and struggles that come into my life each day I am able to keep the piles at a manageable height instead of getting buried under the endless hurt that gets produced by some 7 billion people on this planet.
So tomorrow night I’m sure that Mr. Manilow will play this hit for us, (ed. note: he did, here’s part of it in a Greatest Hits medley https://youtu.be/83AZwxdsWlg) but as he sings about a father and son who drift through life I’ll keep remembering that we can change course at anytime, work that 4th step and that 8th step (and that 9th step too!) and find healing through our Higher Power Jesus Christ!
Wow, the folks I run into sometimes just make me scratch me head and wonder… I’m sure you’ve experienced that too. It can be easy to sit in a crowded mall or at Starbucks and people watch, adding my own commentary about what people are doing or wearing. I bet most of us have seen the “People of WalMart” website. Here’s the thing: people are often times “weird”. And here’s the other thing: I’ve probably had people making that commentary about me at certain times of my life too.
It’s no fun being the subject of scorn or ridicule or humiliation. At one point I got to be front page news in my home town for about a week and there are still plenty of folks out there who haven’t yet decided that I am worthy of forgiveness. As attenders at Celebrate Recovery I am sure that you have probably all know how it feels to be an outcast. Sometimes it can feel like the only group I belong to is “those people”. So as I was listening to Pastor Todd’s sermon this week I began thinking about loving people. It’s easier to just make fun than to love people like me, but it’s more important to love those unloveables.
I noticed my daughter and son-in-law playing with their new baby. He’s cute, and pudgy, and has dimples in his fat rolls. When I complemented the kids on how great it was to see how much they loved little Luc my daughter replied that “he’s pretty easy to love.” It’s obviously true. Yet, shouldn’t that be true of all of us? At some point we were all cute little babies who were easy to love. As we age, we become more independent and start acting in ways that takes some of the luster off of our cuteness. I try to convince people to see my “overweightness” in the same way they see Luc’s, to no avail!
So how do we love “those people”? How do we push through their brash behavior or break through the walls they’ve constructed to keep us out? It isn’t easy, but it is basic: we just keep loving them no matter what. I once went through a period of months working in awkwardness with one of my best friends. I had said something that offended her and she reacted with hostility and anger that lasted for almost half a year. My other co-workers all noticed because the two of us had been so close and jovial before. One of them asked me how I was able to maintain and keep pressing forward. My response was that I had no control over their reactions and feelings toward me, but that I did have control and responsibility over myself. I chose to exercise that control by continuing to love my friend no matter what. Unconditional love is just that simple: it has no conditions. I cannot make a person love me, but conversely, they can’t make me stop loving them. Let’s go into these last weeks before Easter and be intentional with our love. Don’t limit it to the people who already surround us, but start adding strangers to the mix. There are about 7 billion people in the world, most of whom I don’t know, so the hunting should be easy!