Circles

One of the hardest things I do each week is trying to narrow down the past week to one thing for the blog. I knew there would be stuff with my birthday that would fit. I knew I could count on “life” to come in and give me material. I was right on both accounts. Perhaps too right.

I’ve been writing about 50 years for my 50th birthday to get here. It certainly wasn’t the black balloons kind of event. I get super excited for birthdays and this one was certainly a major one to celebrate. I made plans to go see my beloved Kings with almost 50 friends and family members. I even arranged to get to ride the Zamboni between periods. I was psyched. Enter “life”…

Pressures from all areas closed in all week. I made mistakes I didn’t even know I was making. I know that everyone who reads this does not know me personally, but I am usually looked at as an upbeat and positive person. Rise Up and all that stuff, right? This week was filled with soul crushing darkness. As I left for the game on Thursday afternoon I was feeling a bit empty and sad because of everything beyond my birthday. That old enemy was doing his best to wring the joy out of things. The world likes to tell me that I’m not worthy. The world likes to remind me of my past mistakes. The world likes to give me names and labels. I was processing all of this when I came into the arena on Thursday night. I walked through the curtains into the seating area. As I came around the corner and started climbing the stairs I was greeted by cheers. For me. Me… People had spent money and traveled hours for me. Later in the evening I went down to the Zamboni tunnel and rode out onto the ice. I was being cheered by people I’d never met. People were yelling “Happy Birthday” to me as we drove the overlapping circles to resurface the ice. Hollywood actors pointed at me and wished me happy birthday. In that moment I didn’t stink.

The world came back to visit when we got home. The world is pretty reliable that way. My wonderful friend PH reminded me that I can’t make everyone happy and that it is foolish to try, but that the important people do care and that I have worth.

I just try to keep thinking about that Zamboni. It’s purpose is to go out occasionally and put a smooth surface on the ice. We went round and round and knew that even if we did it perfectly, time and use were going to require it to be done again very soon. So I guess my thought to you dear readers this week is to stay away from the ledges; keep going even if it’s in circles; and also…

–Rise Up!!