I Struggle

There it is…I struggle. I know that isn’t what you might be looking for in a blog on recovery, but it is the hard truth. I often find myself at night looking back on the day that just was and thinking “Is that all you’ve done?” As I had my morning coffee with a friend this morning I commented that if I’m going to get depressed or discouraged it is most likely going to happen at night.

I’ve spent some time analyzing the reasons for that and here’s what I’ve determined: I am most vulnerable when I am alone and tired. Knowing these triggers has been helpful in fighting back.

Depression is a real thing. I know that it isn’t “cool” to be a leader who doesn’t have all the answers or who needs help, but that’s the way that God has made all of us! Each of us has our own areas of struggle. My dad used to tell me “there was only one perfect person and they hung him on a cross”. That simple wisdom has carried me through some difficult times. When I am able to get away from the idea that just because I have a leadership position, it does not make all of my issues disappear. The voices that remind me of my failures are drinking tea all day so that they can perform when night comes.

So what can I do about it? More importantly what DO I do about it? One of the best things is to follow the advice of Pastor Mark Godfrey who frequently says “tell yourself a better story”. My story isn’t just my past failure. That is a large and important part of it, but the best is yet to come. As long as I haven’t stopped, I am still moving! I also find ways to combat the triggers that are occurring. If I’m hungry I eat. If I’m tired I go to sleep. Last night when I was lonely I turned of the TV and hugged my wife as she slept.

My day so far has been great. I’ve enjoyed the company of a great friend. I’ve taken a few moments with all of you faithful readers. I’ve had two cups of coffee. And when the struggles come, I know that my darling Bev will be there sleeping peacefully, just waiting to remind me that I’m not alone.

-Rise Up!!!